


Summer Jobs

by Ultimate_Nerd_Lady



Category: Invader Zim
Genre: Other, emo vs alien, internships
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-17
Updated: 2020-01-17
Packaged: 2021-02-27 10:00:48
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,833
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22285258
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ultimate_Nerd_Lady/pseuds/Ultimate_Nerd_Lady
Summary: Dib is looking forward to his internship, but Zim is determined to ruin his opportunity.
Kudos: 11





	Summer Jobs

The words “unpaid internship” were mostly code for “manual labor for free” but somehow, being the son of the most esteemed scientist on earth didn’t net Dib any better opportunities. Maybe it was the fact that his dad dropped into many conversations that he was crazy.

But oh, whatever! He still landed a pretty good position. NASA, space probe building. This little endeavor would send him exploring the stars. Maybe with a little luck, those probes could take a picture of some far off alien life, and there’d be far less conversations where he’s called crazy.

He took in a breath as he started going towards the walkway of the labs, in a labcoat from his dads younger days that he insisted he wore. The front was still open and he rolled up the sleeves, because it was way too hot to be wearing that thing in summer. It was also worth noting that he’d worn this back from that temporary phase where he gave up on paranormal studies, and thinking about that, made him think that maybe dad was trying to tell him something by giving him this. 

Ugh, focus Dib! He slapped himself on the cheeks, and strolled into the building opening it up in confidence.

“I’m ready- WAIT WHAT?!”

One of the employees he saw, was a short green man with no nose, ears, or anything.

“ZIM?!”

He then realized he had contracted several staring passerby’s. He straightened himself and coughed sheepishly, before looking around. 

“Hi. I’m Dib. Dib Membrane. The new intern.” He smiled giving a little wave. “Nice to meet you.”

He was stared at for a few moments… and then they went back to their work.

He exhaled, then stomped up to Zim speaking in a harsh whisper. “What are you doing here?”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about. I’ve never seen you before in my life.”

“Zim, I go to skool with you everyday, and you’re  _ green _ .” He hissed “I know it’s you.”

“Hmph. You’re clever Dib-stink. I just happen to be taking the place of a member of this establishment who is… sick. That’s all.”

Suddenly there was a noise from Zims PAK and he bought up a communication device from which his robots voice emerged.

“Hey master! Mr Space Tacos doesn’t like my regular tacos!”

“PLEASE LET ME GO, I HAVE IMPORTANT WORK!”

“Gir, just dispose of the prisoner like I told…” he then looked up at Dib who realized he was probably looking on in abject horror “Er… I mean… make sure the guest is having a great time! Yeah!”

“OH GOD, IS THAT A-“

Zim quickly put away the communication device and looked at Dib with a deadpan expression.

“Whatever you’re planning, you’re never going to get away with it!” Dib growled “I’ll stop you! Then I’ll free your prisoner! Then I’ll expose you! Then-“

He was interrupted by Zim slapping him across the face.

“OW!”

“YOU CAN’T COMPREHEND MY PLAN DIB-MONKEY! FOR YOU SEE, THE PLAN IS TO RUIN YOUR INTERNSHIP, SO THAT YOU ARE EXILED FROM THIS PLACE!”

“... I can comprehend that just fine.” Dib said rubbing his cheek. For how short and scrawny looking Zim was, he had one hell of an arm.

“What? IMPOSSIBLE!” Zim shouted “YOU’LL NEVER FIGURE IT OUT DIB! NEV-“

“You may wanna quiet down.” Dib said pointing behind him. Zim looked and noticed the crowd of onlookers glaring.

“... He’s an alien you know.” Dib said pointing at Zim. He was then met with another slap to the face. “OW!”

“I will get you fired Dib! I will! And-“

“Hey, are you Dib Membrane?”

Dib quickly spun around to see a man who seemed to be missing a good chunk of hair on the side of his head.

“Yes sir. That’s my name.” 

“Excellent. Come with me.” 

Dib nodded and followed the man, giving Zim a victorious smirk. Score one for Dib. 

He got a boring run through of the program, with a bunch of technical talk and instructions he already knew. Then he was left with a few people to do his work.

“So, out of curiosity.” Dib said to his co-worker while carefully doing work to get the camera on the probe. “What are your policies on aliens?”

The co-worker gave him a disgusted look.

“Okay, I see you don’t have those… I think we should form them. See, I say, that if they’re say, trying to destroy/conquer/enslave the earth, we should take the opportunity to dissect-“

“GRAHAHAHAHAHAH!” 

“Augh!” He jumped at the sudden noise and all his hard work fell to the ground in his panic. Whirling around he looked at the culprit “Zim!”

Zim looked triumphant as he put his hands on his hips in victory.

“You’ll have this all day Dib. I’ll jump to scare you when you least expect, and you’ll be unable to work! What do you think?”

Dib glared. He might have lost this battle but he had just the thing to win the war.

He dug into his pocket, taking out two airpods, planting them in his ear and going for the music app on his phone.

“Wha- hey no, that’s cheating! You can’t-“

_ When I was, a young boy, my father, took me to the city, to see a marching band. _

The music drowned out Zims yelling and he continued on in peace for the rest of the day.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Dib somehow got the one bunk where the mattress was just a collection of pillows that he had to lay on top of. Budget cuts. But Zim didn’t have access to the interns bunks, so he took out his laptop and began a video call with his sister.

“Hey Gaz! It’s me! Dib! And-“

The call ended. Huh. Must’ve had a bad connection. He called back.

“So Gaz, you won’t BELIEVE who showed up!”

“Was it Zim?”

“It was Zi- yes! Exactly!” He pointed to the screen “How did you figure that out?”

“You literally don’t hang out with anyone else.”

“Huh. I guess I don’t…” He muttered “Well, whatever! As of now, I’m sending you a profile on a missing employee that I think Zim abducted. I need you to rescue him while I’m up here at NASA. Can you do that?”

“... I am perfectly capable of it.”

“Excellent! Anyways, I’m gonna have a lot of trouble dealing with Zim, so I’ll have to keep you updated a lot! He’s trying to screw up this internship, so I’m thinking he might have his own plans for this place? NASA has a lot of materials Zim would probably use for evil if he got access to. It’s a good thing I’m here to-“

He then noticed the connection was severed again. Man, this place must’ve had really bad service.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“This new photo of the earth was sent to us by our current drone.” Dib listened to the voice while taking a look at the photo on the screen. It was definitely a little grainy, but plain to see. And grainy, man it was grainy.

He began turning away planning to get to work (Although maybe his first order of business should have been popping his back back in place after how he slept last night) when a certain high pitched voice came from the side.

“Hah! This photo is an obvious fake!” Zim declared strolling up to the screen “How gullible can all of you be?”

“What do you mean gullible?” Dib objected “It was literally sent by one of their machines!”

“It can’t possibly be! Because it contradicts a universal truth!” Zim shouted.

“... Out of curiosity.” One of the others looking at the screen pointed their pen at Zim “What is this truth?”

“The truth that the earth, is flat!”

… Oh Dib, was not going to do this song and dance.

“The earth isn’t flat Zim!” He shouted “There’s literally no proof that it is!”

“Oh really? Then explain this!” He pointed to the screen but it was still displaying the same picture. Nothing changed. People were staring in confusion.

“Hold on a second.” Zim took out his communication device and angrily started whisper-shouting into it “Gir, where’s the picture?”

“We didn’t get one.”

“What do you mean didn’t get one?! I specifically asked the tallest! Did they not deliver it in time?!”

“I ‘unno.” 

“Ugh…” Dib smiled victoriously as Zim put away the device in exasperation, but then he quickly grabbed a map off the side and flaunted it to his audience “LOOK AT THIS MAP! Tell me, in what shape is it?”

“That isn’t a basis for-“

“WHAT SHAPE IS IT DIB?!”

“... Flat.” He muttered under his breath.

“What? I can’t hear you!”

“It’s flat! But that doesn’t mean-“

“AHA! FLAT?! COULD THIS MEAN THAT THE EARTH IS FLAT?!”

“No! No it doesn’t!”

“Oh really? What evidence do you have that the earth is round?”

“Right behind you there’s-“

“ERH! TIMES UP!” Zim shouted “The world has been proven flat!”

“My god. This is a fantastic discovery.” One of the scientists said “Get this man a medal!”

Dib was bent over in disbelief as he was outnumbered by people who seriously believed the earth was flat.

“Yes, and as new famous for discovering something person, I say we modify our space probe building team to modify their work to corroborate with the earths flatness. I will be overseeing them.”

Oh no.

“Very well. You are in charge of them now.”

Oh no, no, no.

“Very well.” Zim walked by Dib “I guess you can call me… your boss.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Dib, you’ve done nothing during this call except scream.” Gaz glared “Are you going to stop anytime soon and actually say things?”

Dib held up his pointer finger and screamed for a good 5 more seconds before his breath finally gave out.

“You aren’t gonna believe what happened today Gaz.”

“Yeah I will.” Gaz said “Turn on the news.”

Dib gulped and did a quick google search revealing that Zims little “accomplishment” was all over it.

“I can’t believe I’m working under him now.” He said clicking back to Gaz and finding her invested in her game. “Do you know what my day has been like?”

“I don’t care, but I feel like you’re going to tell me anyways.”

“So far, he’s dumped several brands of space food over my head, didn’t let me go to lunch and instead made me watch a video of galaxy porn! I didn’t even know galaxies could have sex! And now I do! And it’s awful!”

“Sounds fantastic, are we done here?”

“Uh, right, any progress on the-“

“Check the news.”

Dib did another google search and found several articles of a man, a green dog, and a small goth girl attending an arcade together where the girl had threatened the man into paying for her after she supposedly saved his life.

“Okay, great, now for my situation I need you to-“ he clicked back and found he’d been disconnected again. Man, this place. Actually, wait. The WiFi here was pretty good. So could this be…

“All is going well my tallest!”

Zim! Dib jumped out of bed throwing the laptop to the side and began going to the source of the noise. He found Zim talking to a hologram screen of his leaders. His breath went into the “holding” category as he made himself unseen and started digging around his pockets for his camera.

“I have become the Dibs boss. Things will be a lot easier sailing from here on out with me as his superior. Well of course, I am already superior to him but-“

“Get to the point Zim.” The red one said.

“Well basically, I put a chip in his laptop to blow it up while he’s using it. It should go off in 3… 2… 1…”

There was a loud explosion from the other room.

“No!” Dib screamed “My laptop!”

“What the-“ Zim turned around “Dib!”

One thing lead to another, and soon, the two of them were rolling around on the floor in a petty fight. Eventually, Zims leaders hung up, and they were just alone throwing punches at one another. They went on for a while, but inevitably, the one of the two species that required sleep ended up being too tired to continue. 

“Ugh…” he muttered standing up “Fuck you Zim.”

“What are you gonna do about it Stink Monster?”

“I’m gonna…” he looked around then noticed the device he had used to contact his leaders “Steal this!” 

He quickly made a dash, picking up the object from the floor and running back to the dorms locking the door behind him.

“Hey! Give that back!” He heard Zim shout along with feeling a hard knocking behind him.

“Not until you leave my internship alone Zim!” He declared “And take back the earth being flat!”

“Never!”

“Alright. Good luck contacting your almighty tallest.”

“Gruh! Curse you Dib! Curse YOUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU!”

He seemed to storm off after that. Good. He then began to realize the swarm of people staring.

“... Hi.” He smiled awkwardly “How were your days?”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Dib was running on two hours of sleep, on what remained of his pillow mattress that hadn’t been caught in his laptops explosion that he got so he’d be suitably awake enough to do modifications on this contact thing, but irken tech was a different flavor than what he worked with. Still, if he could say, use this communicator to the tallests ship and use it to fry all the cables within said ship from the inside out, then there’d be a lot less firepower they could take to earth. Unfortunately, it was now 3 am and he was getting tired. Tired enough to close his eyes and drift off to sleep.

…………….

“What are you calling us for?”

“Gyaugh!” Dib awoke to see the tallest were looking at him. He must’ve fallen asleep on the communicator.

“I uh… this is kind of a butt dial?” He smiled sheepishly hoping they wouldn’t notice his work.

“I figured. The communicator is covered in drool.” The purple one commented. Dib looked over and yep. Covered in drool. His drool. Gross.

“Well, it’s your fault that this is happening anyhow! If you hadn’t sent Zim to this planet, and he hadn’t taken come to my internship-“

“You know, if you want, we can give you a plan to get him out of your little workplace.” The red one said.

“We can?” The purple one asked.

“Huh? Wait, wait, wait.” Dib put his hands up “Why would you do that?”

“Mostly to entertain ourselves.”

That was kind of… strange. While there were some parts of Irken culture he was fairly certain he’d never understand this seemed counterproductive… but, if they were just providing the plan there wasn’t a way to mess with it so he wasn’t gonna think that hard.

“Okay. I’m in. What is it?”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Dib strolled into the lab that day with his airbuds already in and blasting Touch Tone Telephone. Zim came by and began shouting something, and getting his spit in his face. Fun fact: irken spit burns humans. He was paying more attention to wipe the acid off his face than he was whatever Zim was saying.

“So Zim. Remember that communicator?” He asked “I‘ve hidden it away. In a place you can never find it.” (It was in his back pocket but hush) “You probably won’t find it. Not in a million years.”

“Is that a challenge?” He managed to read Zims lips enough to hear that “You dare challenge the night of sim?” Okay lip reading wasn’t always very accurate. He was just gonna assume he said “Might of Zim.”

“Oh not a challenge. Just a fact. It’s somewhere in the empty dorms. Don’t bother-“

And Zim had already shoved him to the side and started running. Dib spent the day hearing various blasts and things being knocked over, before him and the rest of the interns went upstairs for the day to… Hoo boy. Looking at how wrecked the place was reminded Dib that he had to sleep here. 

“Hey! He wrecked our dorms!” A girl shouted.

“And he’s eating my donut!” Someone else shouted.

“No I’m not!” Zim declared holding the donut behind his back.

“Hey, what’s going on here?” One of the higher ups walked in. Everyone pointed to Zim.

So long story short, Zim was dragged off kicking and screaming. Loudly. Man he was loud. And the dorms were not gonna be fixed for a week. But Zim was out of his workplace and that was enough.

The whole earth being flat thing wasn’t fixed. At all. That was annoying. But he had this device to hack. It just took one more switch and…

The thing suddenly lit up and he saw the tallests faces.

“We know you’re trying to hack into our ship kid.”

“Yeah! So we’re gonna blow that device up!”

“Huh? Wait, no don’t-“

BAM!

He spent the rest of his internship choking up ash


End file.
